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You go out with a girl, you both seem to have great chemistry. After your date, you both go home happy and satisfied. Now you think things could only get better. But after a few days, she begins to pull away. And because you have no idea what you’ve done wrong, you become confused and frustrated, making even bigger mistakes that only push her further away. Or, maybe you’re a decent-looking guy who just never has any luck getting beautiful girls to pay attention to you. Whatever the problem may be for you, this article will help you understand some key things you might have been overlooking. When it comes to dating, there are some untold rules that many guys are unknowingly falling short on. And when you make these same mistakes for too long without any luck, dating can become just another frustrating game for you. That said, let’s look at ten mistakes that some guys may not even know they are making. If you’ve been having a rough time dating, take note of these. You might be faltering.
Avoid giving out your number until after the first date: Experts advise users who communicate on dating apps to avoid changing to direct text with their telephone. This is for safety reasons and because there is a high chance the date won’t materialize. Although it isn’t mannerly, the reality is that ghosting happens, and date plans sometimes aren’t finalized, texts are forgotten, or things turn platonic. So, schedule the first date directly on the dating app platform. Once you’ve met in person, and if you feel comfortable and connected, then consider exchanging numbers and/or social media platforms.
Don’t…limit yourself. Keep your options open and remember one way of finding a date is not necessarily right for everyone. There are so many options, including online dating sites, apps, recommendations, blind dates, meeting someone when socialising and more. The world is your oyster. Do…remember to have fun and that dating should be exciting. Although the end goal is to find a perfect partner, it’s important to enjoy the journey. Plan fun dates and do things you both like. If your date isn’t ‘the one’, at least you will have some fun experiences.
Dating highlights our biggest insecurities: We overanalyze what we say over text or Tinder, try on 15 different outfits before a date, and maybe even expect the worst and prepare to be ghosted or for the date to go badly. Sound familiar? To cure pre-date anxieties, try visualizing the best version of yourself. Are you confident, comfortable, or friendly? How would the most confident you act on this date? What would you wear? Would you even care about what you wear? Remind yourself that you are the catch that your date is trying to impress, not the other way around. Even if you don’t feel confident or calm, the simple act of visualizing your best self can help you relax and enjoy the date instead of getting in your head.
Repeat after me: Dating should be fun. It should not feel forced, boring, painful, or sad. If it’s not enjoyable, you’re either putting too much pressure on each date, feeling self-conscious about dating, or focusing on the wrong things. Remember that dating is not intended to have only one outcome. Every experience—whether it’s a date, Tinder conversation, or a few months of dating—brings you closer to clarity.
Since it can be very challenging to examine yourself in this way, I highly recommend working with a dating coach. An unbiased third party can not only help you to identify what your current baggage is and why you’re still struggling with it, but also offer clear-cut advice on what you need to do to move past it. When new clients come to me unsure of why they keep accidentally sabotaging their own dating chances, I can often tell right away what baggage is getting in their way. Once you’re ready to really take a good look at your destructive beliefs and thought patterns, you can start replacing those with healthier and positive alternatives that will make you a more attractive, emotionally strong, and desirable partner.
Work on your communication skills. Particularly in this day and age, where people are busier than ever and have more devices to be reached on, communication skills are what can make you stand out from the crowd. Seriously, don’t underestimate how much texting someone back promptly or calling them to follow up on a date can make a difference in winning them over. This shows several things: that you’re conscientious, that you care, and that you’re reliable, all of which are highly desirable traits in a partner.